An independent voice for ethical adoption
Why Should Adoptive Parents Care About Ethics and Fraud
A growing number of adoptive parents are coming forward to report their experiences of adoption fraud and unethical practices. Often these experiences are discounted when others choose an adoption agency, attorney, or facilitator, because most parents believe these tragic stories will not be part of their personal adoption experience.
Adoptive parents who have not experienced fraud may ask, how does this affect me? It is our belief that when one adopts they become a member not only of the adoption triad, but of the larger adoption community as well. What goes on in adoption, even if it isn’t your adoption, affects the entire adoption community.
A desire to parent, however strongly felt, must not lead parents to allow corners to be cut, laws to be skirted, or blinders to be put in front of their eyes. Parents cannot always trust their adoption entities to ensure that adoptions are ethically completed. Parents need to make a commitment to educate themselves on the adoption law of the state or country from which they are adopting. Each person who participates, with or without knowledge, in an unethical adoption, plays a part in allowing more unethical practices to occur.
Bad practices:
- Hurt all members of the adoption triad
- Keep children from finding families
- Drive up the cost of adoption
Damaging Lives
Unethical adoptions can have lifelong repercussions on all members of the adoption triad.
Some adoptive parents may believe that the end justifies the means, and that once they have a child, love will negate anything unethical that occurred during the process.
However, babies and children grow up to be thoughtful, inquisitive young adults with questions about how they came to be with their families. Like most young adults, adoptees seek self-identity, and for them there is an added dimension. Where did I come from? What is my history, my culture? How am I a part of this family, this world?
No adoptive parent wants to answer questions about unethical adoption practices. Parents need to be able to affirmatively state to their children that:
- They were legitimately in need of a new family;
- Birth parents were not coerced into, or compensated for, placing their child for adoption;
- Their medical and social information is as complete and accurate as possible;
- Their adoption was processed lawfully.
Destroying Adoption
Unethical adoption practices will ultimately destroy adoption as an option for children in need of permanent families. When illegal and unethical practices occur and families and children are damaged, legal and governmental action often result. Prolonged investigations may cause birth parents to lose their privacy, children to age in institutions, and adoptive parents to incur thousands of dollars in additional expense. A temporary moratorium on adoption processing may occur. Foreign countries may close their doors to adoption altogether.
When such things occur, many blame the governmental entities involved. While it is true that processing problems or bureaucratic inertia often plague such entities, they are not the cause of the true problem–the unethical practices that caused the situation in the first instance.
Domestic adoption statistics and the effect of adoption irregularities on the adoption system are difficult to gather. However, international statistics show a clear and extremely troublesome trend. Illegal and unethical practices lead to the cessation of adoption. In the last 15 years, 43% of the “top 20 countries” have closed or effectively closed to U.S. citizens, mostly as a result of reported problems. If we don’t address these issues, international adoption will cease to be an option.
Increasing Costs
Adoption is already prohibitively expensive for many families. Unethical practices are a direct cause of increased adoption costs. The cost of liability insurance for agencies is skyrocketing due to an increase in wrongful adoption. Competitive agency practices and a lack of control on fee practices may result in foreign facilitators raising fees. Large amounts of “grease payments” and bribes can also raise foreign adoption costs. Domestic agencies and attorneys may offer increased payments of “living expenses” to entice birth parents to utilize their services. All of these costs are passed on directly to adoptive parents. Unless regulation and transparency are added to these processes, fees will continue to increase.
Take Back the Power!
Adoptive Parents must begin to take an active role in reforming adoption. If they fail to do so children will continue to be hurt, families will continue to be defrauded, and adoption will ultimately cease to exist. As the end “consumer” of the adoption system, adoptive parents have the ultimate control to demand better practices. To do so, they must become unwilling to look the other way, determined to demand better service, and committed to preserving the integrity of the process.
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